The Ten Commandments Of Being A Daughter Inlaw.

Marriage is a very beautiful union, after the several days of celebrations comes the real deal itself. We don’t live in abroad where some typical traditional practices in marriage can be looked past. So sisters, pick a cue and be guided.

1. Always remember you are going to be married to your husband’s  family not your husband  alone. If you have this plus equally important things about marriage in mind, your marriage will be successful. Yes, some family members no matter how much  you worship them will still not be appreciative but regardless this is the reality.

2. You can be her royal highnesss in your father’s home but the moment you get your in-laws home  you humble yourself. If they wish to royal highness you, good for you but make sure it doesn’t eat into your head because sometimes the same people who will royal  highness you are the same people who will bring your royal crown down because you have become pompous.

3. Don’t go into your in-laws house with pretence just because you want them to like you. NOTE: you can’t continue to be pretending so better show the real you to them in terms of everything so that from day-1 they know who you truly are instead of keeping up appearance. You do so at your own risk because in the end, you will be struggling to keep up. And mind you, it doesn’t take long for a pretender to be fished out.

4. Your in-laws can be your friends. Not a bad thing to do at all. Infact who doesn’t like in-laws they will feel free around to chat, eat together, attend ceremonies together, share ideas together but NOTE, be careful this doesn’t make you forget your position so you over step your boundaries as sometimes familiarity breeds contempt. Know your limits in your dealings with them.

5. What you can’t continue to do in your in-laws house please in the name of Allah don’t even start because that will get you admirers in the beginning but won’t take long and the same admirers become your enemies simply because you stopped doing what you started which got them to  like you. Don’t start what you can’t finish literally. Just be yourself.

6. You can never be in a competition with your in-laws: your mother Inlaw, your sister in-laws, your husband’s nieces and aunties. The person you can be in any competition with is the person you see when you stand in the mirror (YOU), channel your focus and energy into making you a person person for ALLAH, yourself and your husband. Truth is, you are even too small to say you are in a competition with any of your in-laws. They will win you hands down. Now tell me who came to marry? You or them?

7. If you form alliance with people outside your matrimonial territories just because you want to spite someone in your husband’s family, you do so at the detriment of your marriage. When tables turn, sometimes the people you form alliance with will be the same people who will ruin your marriage and if luck eludes you, one person from the same alliance will take over your marriage and show you how to really take care of ammarige. Some women don’t feel pity for their fellow women like that oo. This happens everyday. So be guided accordingly.

8. Just like you are deeply loved by your family, it’s the same way your husband’s family loves him. Don’t be sweet headed thinking that when there’s any misunderstanding his family will throw him to the wolves over you just like your family won’t also do with you for him. So don’t be too quick into reporting little issues to your families. Try as much as you can to solve it amicably between the two of you, if “symptoms” lolz persist take it to the people who witnessed your marriage or the Imam who blessed the marriage. It’s better you move step by step before running straight to your families. With time they get tired of your complains.

9. You can be the biggest boss chic running your own business or having a big job position working for someone but remember to always make time for your husband’s family occasion and when you attend, put your title and high heels in your hand bag, wrap your veil around your waist and work like the girl who was brought up well by her mother. Don’t go sitting pretty with arms folded waiting to be served,  jump on helping with the food and cleaning preparations. Sister, this will not lower  you position down. It only means that you are a woman of substance and can cut across all areas of endeavours. Don’t do this because you want to win their hearts, this is your duty as a married woman. Be guided and don’t be told or seen otherwise.

10. Living in a family house with all your husband’s nuclear and sometimes extended family members I hear is very difficult. Sister, just thread cautiously, be a unifier, stay in your lane, do not take sides, don’t dwell on hearsay, cut your coat according to your size, stay away from things that do not directly concern you. Character is what you think you are when no one is watching you so be guided.

In spite of all the above including even more of what is not mentioned here, your husband or your in-laws can still not be pleased with you. Don’t give up, keep in mind, it takes these plus prayer without ceasing, patience and God grace to stay married. May God make it easy for all of us. 

Writer: Adizah Kuburah Braimah 

Kuburah Diamonds 

Kindly do the grammatical corrections I was sleepy typing because the inspiration came late so I had to just pen it down before it goes away. T for Thanks.